What’s your favourite animal?

Our teacher asked us what our favourite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”

She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right,
because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I was.

Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he
said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.

He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, turkey, lamb and fish.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he
laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live
animal was. I told her it was chicken.

She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children.

So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and
told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”

Guess where I am now….

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Traffic Rules for a Modern India

Credit for the following to person(s) of unknown origin – I am NOT the author of the post that follows, although I agree with almost all of that which has been said. 😉

Traveling on Indian roads is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable — and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous.

Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on a Sanskrit text. These rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English:

* ARTICLE I:

The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.

* ARTICLE II:

Indian traffic, like Indian society,is structured on a strict caste system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to:
* Cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.

* ARTICLE III:

All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This is the Indian drivers’ mantra.

* ARTICLE IV:

Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet):
* Cars (IV,1,a-c):
1. Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, IE in clearing dogs, rickshaws and pedestrians from path.
2. Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, IE to oncoming truck: “I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die”. In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).
3. Single blast (casual) means: “I have seen someone out of India’s 870 million whom I recognise”, “There is a bird in the road (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)” or “I have not blown my horn for several minutes.”

* Trucks and buses (IV,2,a):

All horn signals have the same meaning, viz: “I have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping, even if I could.” This signal may be emphasised by the use of headlamps.

Article IV remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in Article II above.

* ARTICLE V:

All manoeuvres, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the last possible moment.

* ARTICLE VI:

In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all times.

* ARTICLE VII:
1. Rights of way:

Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in  the middle.

2. Lane discipline (VII,1):

All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of travel shall occupy the centre of the road. This shall aid in the training of so many prospective pilots in their ground taxiing skills.

* ARTICLE VIII:

Roundabouts: India has no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression should be ignored.

* ARTICLE IX:

Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you.

Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centres. No more than two inches should be allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing — and one inch in the case of bicycles or pedestrians.

* ARTICLE X:

Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.

* ARTICLE XI:

Reversing: no longer applicable since no vehicle in India has reverse gear

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Socialism Explained

An economics professor said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.
All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.  After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.
But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied only a little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied less than what they had. The second test average was a D!  No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.
The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.  All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when government takes all the reward away; no one will try or want to succeed.
Could not be any simpler than that….

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